despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
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At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
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Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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