hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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