Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
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Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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