If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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