everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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