Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
where are my eyebrows?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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