So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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