I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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