Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
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Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
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At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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