u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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