and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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