haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
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i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
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I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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