I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
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dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
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Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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