You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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