she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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