My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
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Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize