I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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