oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
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He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
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I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
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