You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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