i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
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