you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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