he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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