I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
They are going to name an STD after you.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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