So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
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Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
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I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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