i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
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Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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