i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just made my gag reflex go away.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize