The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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