i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
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Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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