2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize