SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
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The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
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i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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