so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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