I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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