I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize