In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
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He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
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Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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