she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
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Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
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the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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