I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize