i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
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I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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