I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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