I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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