He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
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She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
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I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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