I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
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I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
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Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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