Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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