end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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