dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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