Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
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She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
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Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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