I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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