Girls should come with a carfax report
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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