I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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