If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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