how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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